Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. But you cant just forget not to think. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. 3. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. I had a hole in nothing. Thats incredible. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Tahiti. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Fantastic 4-some. Golfing? Try choking donw on the shaft. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. And that thought is: Dont think. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. If you break 80, watch your business. What is a golfers favorite bird? What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Which is the easiest golf stroke? I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? The lowest score wins. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. One minute youre bleeding. He attacks it. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. P.G. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. "If you break 100, watch your golf. In the Golf of Mexico! Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. You shot an eight. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Intercourse! 21. Where is the best place to go on vacation? You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Lift your head and spread your legs. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. It will test your patience. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Andy. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. ~ Victor Hugo. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. If you break 80, watch your business.". This post may contain affiliate links. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? I know what to look for. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Photo: Shutterstock. Or under. I'm Tiger Woods. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Nay! "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. They have been there where we are standing now. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Play golf. Your email address will not be published. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. If you drink, dont drive. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. but I can show you what is! Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Please sign up with your best email address. 20. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Their fore-fathers! Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? 7. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Missed the ball and sank the divot. And there are windmills. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. He was puttering around. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! After 18 holes I can barely walk. Tahiti who? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. 1. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? You hit down to make the ball go up. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Lee Trevino, 59. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? -Bob Hope The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! 3. We have a threesome, care to join us? Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. In case they get a hole-in-one! Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Required fields are marked *. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Your second mental problem is concentration. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. 8. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. What does a golfer do on his day off? Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Very interesting. Id cry too if I played golf like you. 6. Its just really hard to play. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. What did the duck say to the golf ball? I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Fore-get Me Nots. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. putt." Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? It took one afternoon on the golf course. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I Am Shuvo Saha. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Dont even putt. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. 2. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? 4. My shaft is bent. Look at the size of his putter. Correct one fault at a time. . P.G. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? 7. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Bye Bye Birdie. Do you know why the game is called golf? It can be rewarding. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. He said. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. 3. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. "Golf is like a love affair. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com.
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