Ive considered a fuck-buddy, but I cant do that to her. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! Sex is over. Dont hold it against her. I respect your right to your opinion, but to say that an egalitarian relationship always ends in dysfunction & misery is unfounded and far from true. I totally understand your story. Most importantly, talk to her about it! I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? I was too vain and just average. Fully. Yeah Andrew me too. Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. only issue. I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. . Married 10 years!!!! If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. She snores loudly and we have different bedrooms. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. Dear, dear men, Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. My career came to a halt after my illness, due to a stigma related to my heart problems and brain surgery. Women are very conscious about their bodies in general. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. Now both in our early 60s, she has lost the desire for sex and has pain issues as well. Prior to that, for seven years, we would occasionally engage in oral, which was unsatisfying since it was one sided and felt mechanical. The good news is: there are plenty of ways to banish problems in the bedroom and rekindle the fire with your wife. Maybe she rejects your sexual advances whenever you make them, and it's been a long while since you've had sex with each other. As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. Its incredibly painful!!!! I suggest to you what I advised Frustrated see a therapist right away. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR In other cases, when the in-laws are constantly meddling the resentment may make it seem like you have an unloving wife but shes actually just frustrated at the lack of privacy, says Gopa. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Who risks? Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. So I cheat. Id rather die than lose him. If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. She refuses to talk about it. I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. Christi do us a favor and explain what you are talking about. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. Well, its clearly only getting worse. At this stage, you may be right about getting help. I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. mine forgot my birthday this year (it is 2 days before his lol) and our wedding anniversary : ( I can not compete with his online game omg he plays 24-7 so I can relate to your problem with your wife choosing the phone over you thats cold. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. Tell her how much I love her. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. I try to get used to it. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. How about this? That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. She would still complain of pain. Stan, As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. When we had our kids he was so mad because the babies got attention from me and thought when home they should take back stage. I dont know why Im still here. When having sex she has to do most of the work especially when it takes him 45 minutes to get hard and all she wants to do is go to sleep because tommorow will come before she knows it or if one of the kids wakes up because they couldnt sleep or they are sick. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. When women feel used and men dont ever reciprocate, of course they lose interest. Men are not brain dead. We have had little to no connection with them since. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. If sex is becoming harder, less pleasurable, or more painful to have, it makes sense that a woman may lose interest in having it at all. Thats a depressing thought too. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. Yes, life is complicated indeed, but I dont believe there is a season for sex and then not a season for it. And one factor is being a caregiver. If you want to romance her at 11 p.m., you need to understand that she needs time to sleep! she adds. But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room Sex ended, period. I am 50 and she is 45 but she began having the same symptom that you described. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. Tall. Nothing arouses it. Are you in a similar place in your relationship? I fail to see the point of continuing further. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. She apologies oh well. Well, you might offer to find one for them, then bud out. Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. So around our house it is whispered, why is he mad? It will only create more distance between you. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. I am starting to go to prostitutes is this wrong? But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. So all should take care on this. If you didnt leave before the first kid arrived, you were in for a life sentence. (Side note: why do women get to have multiple organisms?). I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. Which now seems gone forever. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. With my wife it was menopause. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. If the marriage has made you take your personal hygiene for granted, this lax attitude could be a total turn-off for her. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? And please dont tell me counseling. She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Amen. you get it. It makes me feel sick. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. Divorce? I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. That being said, my wife and I married young. Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. No way you are real!!! He is suffering from a mental health issue. Rob you are right on, God set this up with every male, as we get older the desire goes down but not away. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. why is he grumpy? This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are not as willing to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Willsounds like you live in the stone agesworks for you.but most woman like a say in whether they would like to be touched or not. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. The comments given above is very true. It got to the point that he wanted sex badly and was about to lose his mind. That happens with prostate removal and my father had that and my mother didnt have to have sex with him anymore. Wtf are we supposed to do when our spouse doesnt want to make love? Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! Its one less thing to think about or do. He doesbt accept the limitations of my back injury. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? Stayed for the kids (gone now) and because I dont WANT to be divorced but I am so painfully alone. 2. I really miss the intimacy we used to have when we were sexual. But it will quickly fade again once their needs are met. Don't Touch MeI'm Your Wife! | Psychology Today Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? Feel like I have him a lifetime!!! Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. But we didnt know what we had. In addition, he doesnt suffer from ED or any other similar issue, but he seems to feel that sex is for procreation and once that part of life is over (as it surely now is), so is sex! Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. Get some technique.